Black Don't Crack

I have to frown upon the cliche, but admit that it's true from my experience. This. This may not be a good thing. Let me explain.

I am all for black not cracking. I mean, I want to look 30 when I am 50. Or for a more realistic hope, I want to look 40 when I am 57. Like Ken Burns. The Root said he was one of the "blackest white people" in America. I have no comment on that, but he does look 40, and last time I checked, he was born in 1953.

Putting Ken Burns aside, I think there's a deeper, insidious issue of black not cracking. I was raised that "black don't crack" (especially female blackness) from a couple of view points: (1.) aging (2.) showing emotional vulnerability and/ or weakness, like crying, having your feathers ruffled, displaying sadness, guilt, or intense love towards a man. You must look like you have everything together AT ALL TIMES!

Pressure.

The former = AWESOME! I can't wait to reap the benefits, and maybe I already am.

The latter = A debilitating, paralyzing, and growing facade, especially in the I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T era.

Black women shouldn't crack. We can't show men how we really feel because then we are "clingy." In the words of my loving grandmother, an advocate for black don't crack, "Never let a man know how you really feel."

We can't see a therapist because "that's what white women do."

We can't leave a bad relationship with a black man because then we aren't "ride or die."

I can go on and on, but my point is that we-- or maybe just I-- have to stray away from all of these passed down stereotypes of what being a black female really means. I don't think that in order to be "strong" and comfortable with my race, I have to be hard-hearted, emotionless with great men who long for my love in fear that I might scare them away, or afraid to confront some issues in my past with someone who is certified to help me do it in a safe way.

Staying with any man who treats you poorly- bad idea for ANY woman.

Being a black, independent woman should be celebrated in a different way. I think it's okay to not NEED a man, but what about WANTING one? I can do what I want, how I want, and I don't need a man to help support me. But. I want one that will edify my life. I can hold my own, but find it better to know that when I'm fighting to stay above water or when life gets to be a bit overwhelming, I don't have to struggle alone. That not being TOTALLY INDEPENDENT isn't a bad way to be. I think we've taken this too far.

So, I will smile, work, dance, sing, and love with all of the passion God has put inside of me. And well, if this gets your J Crew boxers all in a bunch fellas, then step aside.

King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!!